The Idea of Michael

A man is ever only a man, which is to say very little. This remains so until one day a man becomes your friend. The man becomes Michael. Michael is no longer a man. He is an idea. The idea of Michael. Michael becomes a place to visit, like France. You are always welcome in France. Until France gets a girlfriend. Then you are less welcome. This is known as the off season. There is a local tradition in Michael. The tradition involves a lack of hair. It is a part of character, like a lonesome prairie in Nebraska. You make jokes with the other ideas about the tradition, which the idea of Michael is very sensitive about. You only do this when outside of Michael. The idea of a lonesome prairie seems stupid and outdated. Why not put something in that prairie, like a hat or an Arby’s. However, you would never say this to Michael. You must respect the locals, if only to their face. But word gets around. Ideas cross-pollinate. You blame the internet and it’s love affair with rumors. A long time passes. You see Michael’s girlfriend at a bar. A bar is a place of customs, but is neutral like Sweden, when Sweden was neutral. You ask about Michael’s lonesome prairie. She says it is more like scorched earth. You spend the night making fun of the idea of Michael. Then you spend the night together in bed, sharing your own ideas. This only lasts for about three minutes. Then you agree to never speak of it again. You blame it on the influence of alcohol, which works a lot like communism. But word gets around. Ideas cross-pollinate. You are welcomed to less and less places to visit and it is not yet the offseason. You again blame it on the internet. The idea of Michael invites you over for a drink. You are weary of the locals’ intentions but he assures you everything is fine. You arrive with a box of wine and some potato chips. The idea of Michael invites you to get comfortable in an Adirondack chair. You say how you’ve missed him, how sorry you are about the misunderstanding. The idea of Michael responds with questions about the bar, his girlfriend. He forcefully rubs his lonesome prairie as if spreading baby oil, which is what he does when the locals gets mad. Then the idea of Michael declares war and promptly stabs you with a knife. You sit in the chair, stunned, your own idea dribbling out of you. Your population moves away, and the scenery begins to fade, and you quickly turn back into no one, a man just as any other.