Mind the Gap

She watched him as she drank. “It’s good to drink beer again.” He turned to her but he didn’t respond. “Now that it’s settled.” She eyed him for a response but there was none.

“I said it was good to drink again.” She repeated in a different tone. “Tanny...” She sung out. “Tanner.” She almost whispered as she reached out and touched his outstretched hand. He turned his palm up and she ran her fingers over his skin. She smiled at him and he nodded.

“What’s going on?” She asked. A strand of blonde hair fell from behind her ear. She had blue eyes and a small rounded chin, a sarong wrapped around her tan shoulders. Her ears were fully pierced. He looked at these. There was a recent Tahitian tattoo that traced from behind her ear to the top of her neck.

The waitress approached and spoke. Tanner answered in French and she smiled and took a plate and quickly returned with a beer. He extended the long neck and Sukie clinked it.

“To dry land.” He smiled.

“I’ll second that.” She said and they drank. She watched, he was uncomfortable with his thought and looked away.

“You’re catholic?” It was an odd question at this point in their relationship, but they’d never gotten to it.

“15 years of Catholic school.” She smiled at him. Her body straightened and bounced as only a girl’s can.

“And it doesn’t matter?” He asked. He was a little more serious than she wanted him to be.

“No it doesn’t matter. In a few hours it will be done and that will be that.”

“Does it hurt?” He asked.

“Can’t hurt more than the dentist.” She said in a questioning tone.

“I guess not.”

“Come on babe. We’re off that thing. Get some beer in you, get your land legs and we’ll party tonight. I want to party, dance. And by this time tomorrow it will be over.”

“Do they have dance clubs here?”

“If not here than nowhere else.”

“The other islands had... hip-shaking traditional music.”

“Oh my god, that was so much fun! I really want to learn it.” She exclaimed in a playful and sinuous way that only a young girl experimenting on the verge of love, can.

“You really should.” He answered slyly and felt a little lecherous.

“Naughty, naughty.” She smiled. “Remember in the engine room?” She asked.

He was smiling. “The boat was way too small. Way too cramped. We had no choice.”

“That was crazy.”

“Yeah. It was so sweaty.”

“I sort of liked it.” She said. “So wet.”

She watched him stare off for a moment. He said, “I can’t help but think I’m taking something away from you.”

“Don’t feel that way. It’s my decision. I don’t want it. It’s not time. There will be another time. Maybe, hopefully with you.” She ventured to say and he looked at her. It had only been six weeks, hopping from island to island. Granted those weeks were accelerated.

“Ah,” He smirked. He should have let it pass. “I wasn’t even talking about that. I don’t feel bad about that, should I?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a little.”

“Have you ever killed anything?”

“Of course.” She said and bounced in her chair, away from him. He drank. “I’ve killed about 100 mosquitoes since I’ve been on this island. A cockroach a few minutes ago. And it’s even worse because I know killing the cockroach didn’t change a thing. It was in the wild!”

“Have you ever killed anything bigger than a breadbasket?”

“Bigger than a toaster?” She smiled at his word choice. It was an example of the difference in their age. He felt bad for a moment. In their quiet anarchy there were no rules like that. He was beginning to feel rules in the harbor.

“And it’s not killing.” She corrected him and looked away, annoyed. “Tanner. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She sighed and they looked off for a moment. He drank from his beer and she looked down to her plate and then out onto the street. It was definitely a city. There were crowded streets and plenty of permanent three and four story buildings. I had out of the way secrets like old European cities did. “What were you talking about then?” She looked up at him and said.

“Huh?”

“You said that wasn’t what you were even talking about. What were you talking about then?”

“I don’t know. It’s dumb.”

“I don’t care. Tell me.”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m taking anything away from you.”

“Like what? If not that, than what could it be? That’s pretty much the biggest thing you can take away from me, right?”

He didn’t think so. He didn’t answer so, but he thought about what was big in society. In American society, at least. He had opportunity on his mind. Her opportunity.

“I’m older than you.”

“Tanner, you’re really starting to bum me out. Don’t bum me out. Why are you doing this?”

“I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I don’t. And it’s not permanent. There’s nothing to say we can’t make a mistake and then go back and fix it.”

“Well.” He said. “Some things... you can’t go back and fix.”

She scoffed. “Now you’re thinking about what I was and I’m thinking about what you were.”

He shrugged for response.

“You’re passive.” She said.

“At Teavoo Right I did the sign of the cross.”

“You’re a child.” She looked away and said. “Do you even know what that means?”

“Father, son, and holy spirit.”

“Good for you.”

“There’s never been an atheist in a fox-hole.” He said. He wondered if she knew what a foxhole was. If she read Vietnam books or if her generation was mostly concerned with Facebook. That was unfair. He had Facebook.

“And the second they come out they say grace and forget it till the next hole.”

He was impressed. She was definitely a good girl. Things were fast, though. He was done with things. He had a Masters degree. He had some money. She was a semester of undergrad.

“If you have to go back. LA’s not a bad place to go.” He said.

“Yes it is. And to further prove your point. It’s not LA, it’s Malibu, it’s Pepperdine. And I’m done for now. I can take it here in French and transfer it in.”

“You don’t speak French.”

“It’s close to Spanish.”

“Oiu.”

“Tanner. I don’t know why you’re staring on this. Don’t feel any responsibility. The choice has already been made. It’s all said and done with. You’re either staying here with me or you’re leaving tomorrow on the plane and I’ll be depressed and cry because I really like you, but... the choice has already been made. Ok?”

He smirked. “Teavoo was pretty intense. I’m still reeling from that day.” He said sheepishly, taking her hand in his and rubbing each finger in its order.

“See?” She said. “Everything’s in its right place.”